WAY TO FALL

Ellos no lo entienden, el problema no está en el estómago, no son las malditas ganas de sentirse delgada o de tener un cuerpo perfecto... el problema está en la cabeza, va mucho más allá de las apariencias y del entendimiento de quien jamás lo ha vivido. No es vomitar comida, es vomitar sueños y ganas de vivir, es tirar por un hueco la esperanza.. ya cuando vuelves a tomar aire, lo que respiras es la soledad. Sabías que aun estando rodeado de mil personas, puedes llegar a sentirte solo?

En serio, necesito ayuda... no quiero volver a caer.

A veces lo lógico es lo más dificil...

Es inutil engañarme, es inutil negarme lo que pienso, lo que siento, pero es increible todo lo que hay detrás del silencio y de una mirada... una mirada como la tuya, tan brillante, tan profunda, tan llena de secretos, de misterio... de mentiras? Tal vez, detrás de ti hay miles de mentiras, así como yo detrás de mi hay otras tantas mentiras, tratando de engañarme, haciendome creer que ellas son verdaderas.

Ahora no me importa nada, aunque sé que no tengo alas para llegar algún día hasta ti, no me importa quemarme, arder en la hoguera, con tal de tener así sea una mínima parte de ti.

Sabes? A veces me pregunto si con las otras eres igual a como eres conmigo. Esa forma de ser tan encantadora y atractiva, será que solo soy yo la que la veo? Será que a veces piensas en mi? Será que te estás acordando de esos instantes en los que hemos estado a solas? En que pensabas mientras caminabamos por la calle? En el ruido de la ciudad? En ti? En ella? Tal vez en mi?

Afortunadamente mirarte no es prohibido, pensarte no es prohibido, escribir sobre ti tampoco lo es, ni siquiera soñar contigo. Afortunadamente para mi, existe el silencio.

Pero tú en mis sueños siempre vas a estar como una luz que me ilumina y al despertar quiero volverlo a intentar...(8)

Hoy aprendí a ver más allá de una cara bonita, de unos ojos brillantes llenos de malicia y misterio. Pero tambien aprendí a arriesgar, aprendí a vivir sin ataduras.. Es estúpido escribir esto, cuando en verdad sé que aqui mandan las razones del corazón. Nada que hacer.

nosenseatall

Sé mucho más de lo que tu crees.

Una foto, un sabor, un ingrediente.

Un lugar, un olor, una cámara.

Me confundes con lo que haces, me confunde como eres conmigo y cuando estás con tus amigos.

Dos personas distintas, pero la misma obseción.

No sé que me pasa.

Perdida tal vez, en tus ojos oscuros, en los ojos que cuando me miran me hacen sentir rara.

De otro mundo, tal vez de otra galaxia.

Pero tranquilo, solo tu y yo lo entendemos.

Y sé que tu mente aún no está en silencio, me contesta cada vez que quiero.

Tambien sé que no te voy a perseguir. Cuando yo quiero te encuentro.

Pero tranquilo, sigue siendo un secreto.

Fool

Tell me lies, slap me on the face, just...
Improvise, do something really clever,
That'll make me hate your name forever

You might swear, you'd never touch a lady
Well, let me say, you're not too far from maybe
Every day you find new ways to hurt me
But i can't help it if I'm just a fool
Always having my heart set on you
`Till the time you start changing the rules
I'll keep chasing the soles of yor shoes
Ahh, fool

God resigned, from hearing my old story
Every night, I'm playing hell for glory
I'm embarrassed but I'm much more sorry

All this plain, begins to feel like pleasure
With my tears, you'd make a sea a desert
Salt my wounds and I'll keep saying thank you

But i can't help it if i'm just a fool
Always having my heart set on you
`Till the time you start changing the rules
I'll keep chasing the soles of your shoes
Aah, fool.

-La parte de la canción que está en negrita es todo lo que siento-

Fin. Amén. Gracias.

I'll get ya :) I swear!

It's weird. It has been months since I don't check my blog. I was reading everything again and I just realized how life turns complex everyday: first time I wrote I was still in Oly (dammit! I miss that so freaking bad!); since that day, everyday became shorter and shorter, and I didn't realize the moment when I really left the place to come back. Now I'm seating on my bed, waiting to the moon to show up and then I can go.

Fortunately, I'm not the kinda girl who have tons of problems inside and I don't pretend to be the drama queen of the story, I got God and that makes me strong, I'm alive, I've friends and a nice family.. it's just that things chance, feelings change and mind changes. For example the second and the third posts bellow this one for me is still valid, even if I haven't see your face in more than a week those feelings don't change, I can say that I still love like the very first day that you became mine, I still can feel the magic of your kisses since the very first kiss, I still can feel your hands caressing my skin, your voice telling me those funny stories that used to happen to you, the smoothness of your hair and the color of your cheeks... Dirtyanduglylittlechicken you can't imagine how much I miss you, I think I've already told you everything but you don't want to listen to me, I agreed to be just like "friends" but this is the time that I haven't know anything of you, not even where are you in this moment, not even what you've been doing this week. You're so closed to me but believe me that I didn't pretend this.. I just tried to love you by the best way I thought. Maybe it was not enough to support to much fire and to much love, cuz believe me, love's not gone, love's still in my heart and I know is in yours too. We're meant to be together. I'll fight for this 'til sheeps get wings!

"Ideal world in a mental jail"-he said.

Suddenly my life turns a little bit weird. I don't get "my thing".. as everybody who is someone in this life, must have "a thing" in which he or she is special in.

The music, as a person that always is giving me advices cuz he just realized that I'm kinda lost in this life.. The guitar, as a person that I love even if he doesn't love me as I do.. The Artistic Skate, as the most important girl for me, a little person that I love and I'd give it all for her.. So, what's "my thing"? dreaming awake? keep studying my major cuz someday I'll be succesfull doing that? WTF? I dun get it! I'm 17th and I'm going crazy? Where is the fucking answer?

I know, I'm not stupid, not even I've a hair made of that.. I've the power to change too many things, I've friends, they've me, I've such a nice family that I know millions of boys and girls'd kill for a family as the one that I've. I think I've somebody to love, even if our worlds are pretty different, someway are suitable, we had that, I thought we still had that, but with just stupid words we made a damage that seems quite impossible to fix, but I believe in him.. still love, still believe. 

I guess that he's right (the first guy), I like his thoughts, is sooo true everything he says.. and yeah, maybe I'm tied to a world that doesn't exist, a lover who doesn't love in the same way that I do, a false reallity, a hide face of the world.. and yeah, he's right again, not just me, it's everybody who's afraid to face the life, to face a present, to face this world.

Just trying to make myself believe life's easy. False. I'm a princess. So false. Life's short. True. But you're not alone. So true!.. I think that if you feel alone is because you're closed to the world, or you're pretending something that you're not, and the rest of the people catch it.. That's a huge mistake baby!

Just be yourself, inspire someone as somebody just did on me..relax and take your time♫.. cuz if you dun do it soon, you'll blow up!